10. They screwed up her vinyl roof at the Vatican Car Wash
9. He's never around when she needs help picking lotto numbers
8. He snubbed her at the Grammy Awards
7. He's always telling people he got that big ring from winning the superbowl in 1986
6. He doesn't let anyone else drive the Pope-mobile
5. He improperly uses piety to get hefty discounts at the gap
4. At the movies he won't remove his eight foot hat
3. The way he's always entering and then quitting the presidential race
2. The time he said, "I don't date, but if I did I wouldn't date no bald chick!"

And the number one complaint Sinead O'Connor has about the Pope:

1. He never picks up a check

It's the story of a man called Lir, the High King of Ireland, who married a woman called Eva.

They had four children. The eldest child was a daughter called Finnoula. The next was a boy called Aodhi. Lir was very much in love with his wife, and they both loved their children. Then Eva died giving birth to twin boys, Fiachra and Conn, and Lir after his grief, got married again, to Eva's younger sister, whose name was Aoife.

She was very jealous of Lir's love of his children. When he went away to battle, she took the children out to Lake Devarragh. She told them to go into the water and swim, put a curse on them and turned them into four swans. According to the curse, the swans were to sail for a period of 900 years, 300 years in each of three different oceans. With each 300 years, it would get worse, more stormy and isolated.

Although the curse was intented to last for 900 years, it would end at the time the first Christian bells were heard ringing in Ireland. And the swans would regain their human form when a princess from the north of Ireland got married to a prince from the south of Ireland. Then the curse would be over. Although they were not in human form, one thing the swans could do was sing. They had the most beautiful voices ever heard in Ireland, and people came from all over the country to hear them. They could only sing at night. In the daytime they had to fly off.

When Lir got back and found out the children had been turned into swans, he went to Aoife's father, a lower king, and her father turned her into a creature of the night. For the first 300 years Lir went to hear the children singing. But one day they had to say goodbye to their father, and they never saw him again. Off they went for the next 300 years on a very, very rough sea, with often terrible storms. There was one particular bad storm, during which the children got separated from each other. It lasted for a whole night. In the morning, Finnoula and two of her brothers were found alive and well. The youngest twin was lost. And so Finnoula sang. She kept singing and hoping he'd hear her voice. He finally did come back, after a long time, and it was her voice that helped him find his way back. During this second 300-year period they flew back to see their old home and when they got there, their castle was all in ruins.

They went off to the Sea Of Moyle for the last 300 years. One day they heard bells ringing and saw land. They went to the shore where they met a monk. He made friends with them. He came to the shore every day and taught them about Christ and life until they finally accepted fully Christianity and its essential principle of unconditional love. They heard the news the priest told them about a princess getting married to a prince from the south of Ireland. The swans shed their forms and immediately became as old as their years. They died straight away. They were buried standing up, with the oldest boy under one of Finnoula's arms and the eldest twin under her other arm. The one who'd been lost was facing her. This was how she protected them during the storm.

It's very important that people try to understand the symbolism of the story, on an individual level, because it's about healing.

Lir stands for Ireland, Eva his mirror image, the children are the four provinces of Ireland and Aoife is England.

The death of Eva symbolises the fading away of the goddess of religion. Aoife's jealousy and curse stands for England's desire to control and rape Ireland.

The Irish lost themselves, just as a person loses himself or herself through child abuse, and assumes a false self in order to survive.

The swans stand for ascension, which is the process through which a false self is built, the sea equals consciousness and the 900 years is a period in the history of Ireland.

Singing is the symbol of a prayer. In the daytime, subconsciously, the swans were so messed ip that thet didn't know there was anything wrong. Healing took place when they followed their instincts and sang - ie. prayed.

The baby brother lost in the storm stands for Northern Ireland.

We're wasting our time to think that anthing like fund-raising or political rallying or marching is going to slove the problem. We have to be the children we're supposed to be. We have to understand and forgive. We have to apply the principle of unconditional love. There has to be forgiveness for what was done, understanding and knowledge of the truth of our histories as races and people. We'll love each unconditionally, cos we'll understand each other. When those things happen the lost brother will come home.. The reason why one child was lost is becasue the whole family was cursed. Northern Ireland is only a part of Ireland's problem. The whole country is an agony. The only possible thing which can stop the curse is love.

Christianity is the most important part of the whole story. Christianity is the symbol of the principle of loving each other unconditionally, the way a mother and father loves a child, embodying the principle of compassion. Christ is often depicted as a phoenix - death and rebirth. Death and rebirth is a process which has to take place in order for the true self to be retrieved. The false self which you have had to built up in order to survive has to die. One finds one's own true self after going trough the painful experience of death - the death of the false self. And how that takes place is by learning to love oneself unconditionally and by expressing one's pain by crying out.

Ireland is only the microcosm. This is the story of the whole human race.